After the Life that I Loved
by dealwithfire
Summary: Hermione, one that no one thought would be this way, ends up being a deatheater. Now the light asks her to do a thing that she couldn't believe she would ever agree to do, but will she? RLHG
1. Chapter 1

Okay, I started this story along time ago, and I desided to post it now. Oh well. This is just like all my other stories that I need five reviews before i can post any more. This story does not have chapters, so it has different parts instead. By the way, I have no clue where this story is going to go, so i will take any ideas anyone has. I would love to hear them, as well as any commetns anyone has. Good or bad, I do not care.  
Hope you like it,  
-Sydney

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After the Life I Loved

He took me for granted when I gave him everything, even my heart. When we were together, I felt like I could live this way, as what I have become. As soon as he left, I went into denial. I was sent away, to a place in the sea for a crime I committed. Where no one thought I would be. I loved him and he pushed me away.

When I was out, I was only twenty-one. I had already spent four years in the worst place where people like what I did not want to become, go. The Kingdom of Hell by the sea, Azkaban Prison. I could not find anyone that would even look at me. Even the greatest man, would have killed me before letting the smartest witch ever work near the heaven on earth, Hogwarts School. At least that is what I thought would be, but that is not. I went to the only other person that would help me. When I found him, he looked at me, like I had not ever been to the place most go to for their life. I envy them. At least they did not have to face the world being judged as if I am now. The smart, intelligent witch that I used to be, disappeared. But if you would like, you could blame it all on the man I wanted to go to for every moment of my life. He was the reason I am what I am. The night he left me, I truly died inside. I wanted to kill him for what he did to me, but I found a better way. Thanks to the boy with light blonde hair, Draco. He helped me find people that would give Remus the revenge he needed.

Yes. I became a death eater. I was one of the most loyal there has ever been. I was not afraid to kill. After what happened to me, no one would. I meet a young face that I knew and once loved. She had joined as well. Since the death of her lover, she went into denial, just like me. Her bright red hair had turned into a light strawberry blonde. She had once told me that her parents had disowned her once they saw the mark on her arm. We stayed with each other. But everything changed, the day I met a familiar face. Our Lord had sent us on a mission to capture many, until the group we feared most showed up. I was with the other death eaters and I became face to face with the man I was most afraid of. Remus Lupin. He had taken my life away from me once, this time I won't let him.

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I looked into his eyes. He did not know it was me, I had a hood on and my eyes were red from a spell. My curly brown hair was straight and black now. I could change my appearance since the spell Voldemort did to all the deathearters. Also being an animagus changes you a lot. I could feel my old feelings coming back, as I remembered him long ago. I had been at least five years since we had met.

"Remus," I muttered and he stared at me. His hair was more like the sun disappearing by many clouds. His eyes were open wide, no expression but hate in them. I could fell the tears running down my cheeks. I would of loved to run up to him and have him hold me, but I had changed. I had to live with his and my decisions. Even if I regretted them.

"How do you know who I am?" He asked, not even lowering his wand. All of a sudden, I could feel a great pain go through my body. I could not understand what it was, at least not right then. I fell to the ground on all fours. Finally, it stopped. I felt so weak. "Get up." A voice I once knew said. As I turned around, I saw it was the one person that I feared, but wanted to kill most of all, Dumbledore. Draco was captured and was being pushed over towards me. I felt so sorry for him. When he was next to me, I asked, "Are you alright?"

"Wait, I know that voice." I heard more than one voice say. It seemed to have been most of the Order near us. I did not see one face that I did not know. As I watched, I saw my ex best friends standing in the crowd, I had an urge to cry, right there. But a red head girl, Ginny, had beat me to it. She had lowered her hood, so all knew who it was. She had burst out crying. I wanted to comfort her, but I had to stand strong. I watched her cry and I could tell everyone still did not know who I was, if I had gone over to her, they would of known. I felt a sudden urge to kill who ever I could. That was one of my mistakes. I ran at Dumbledore like I was a bloodthirsty maniac. I hit him, and he fell to the ground. I fell next to him. I realized what I had done and quickly tried to hide. To my great confusion, I had more friends then ever and one most important. Draco ran in front of me. That was the end of my life again. Many order members pushed Draco to the side and grabbed my arms. All of us were taken back to Hogwarts. I was locked up, and was guarded at all times. The one-day I remembered most of all was the day when my lover and my killer watched me.


	2. Chapter 2

Here is the next part, remember the more you review the more I will post. Thx to those few who reviewed, and if I don't get more reviews, I will not post anymore.

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2

I looked into his eyes. He did not know it was me, I had a hood on and my eyes were red from a spell. My curly brown hair was straight and black now. I could change my appearance since the spell Voldemort did to all the deathearters. Also being an animagus changes you a lot. I could feel my old feelings coming back, as I remembered him long ago. I had been at least five years since we had met.

"Remus," I muttered and he stared at me. His hair was more like the sun disappearing by many clouds. His eyes were open wide, no expression but hate in them. I could fell the tears running down my cheeks. I would of loved to run up to him and have him hold me, but I had changed. I had to live with his and my decisions. Even if I regretted them.

"How do you know who I am?" He asked, not even lowering his wand. All of a sudden, I could feel a great pain go through my body. I could not understand what it was, at least not right then. I fell to the ground on all fours. Finally, it stopped. I felt so weak. "Get up." A voice I once knew said. As I turned around, I saw it was the one person that I feared, but wanted to kill most of all, Dumbledore. Draco was captured and was being pushed over towards me. I felt so sorry for him. When he was next to me, I asked, "Are you alright?"

"Wait, I know that voice." I heard more than one voice say. It seemed to have been most of the Order near us. I did not see one face that I did not know. As I watched, I saw my ex best friends standing in the crowd, I had an urge to cry, right there. But a red head girl, Ginny, had beat me to it. She had lowered her hood, so all knew who it was. She had burst out crying. I wanted to comfort her, but I had to stand strong. I watched her cry and I could tell everyone still did not know who I was, if I had gone over to her, they would of known. I felt a sudden urge to kill who ever I could. That was one of my mistakes. I ran at Dumbledore like I was a bloodthirsty maniac. I hit him, and he fell to the ground. I fell next to him. I realized what I had done and quickly tried to hide. To my great confusion, I had more friends then ever and one most important. Draco ran in front of me. That was the end of my life again. Many order members pushed Draco to the side and grabbed my arms. All of us were taken back to Hogwarts. I was locked up, and was guarded at all times. The one-day I remembered most of all was the day when my lover and my killer watched me.


	3. Chapter 3

3

"Remus, I am sorry," I said as I began to cry. He would never know me again. "Hermione?" He whispered, not realizing it loud enough for me to hear. Then he was looking into my eyes. 'That Hermione disappeared along time ago and is never coming back.' I thought as I remembered the old Hermione. All her dreams were shattered. Finishing school, came to end when she was sent away. Being in love, I don't think I need to tell you. And many others were shattered. "How do you know my name? You seem so familiar." He had begun to shake me, so as to make me answer. It hurt so much to be with him and not even be able to be in his arms. I just cried. "You do not need to know. I am a bag flying in the wind with thorns all around." I muttered to him, I could not take it. This was worse than anything else in the world. "I cared about you and you pushed me away, without a second thought." He was torturing me. His chocolate brown eyes staring down at me, full of hate. He looked so handsome. I was not fair, I loved him and he didn't care. Rather torture me.

"Hermione?" I cried even harder, hearing my old name. I had to get away. The chains tied around my arms and my legs began to tighten as I struggled. The one on my neck was choking me. If I had to stare at his eyes any longer, I would die from heartbreak, better to die being choked. I could hardly breath, but I did not stop. I felt an arm around me, trying to stop me, but why? Why stop and live my life? Why live life with out love? I hated it, everything. I even hated him. Remus had thought it was his Hermione, as I began to choke. But it wasn't his Hermione. I fought as hard as I could, to get out of his grip. But it was to late. I was out of air. Right as I begun to stop, he slowly dissolved away from me, as my world went black.


	4. Chapter 4

Well i am going to update even though I really don't want to. So far only Remus knows that the girl is Hermione. Chapter 5 will explain a lot, but you must earn it. If I get three reviews, I will update as soon as possible, probably by the weekend. i really want to know what you think, so READ and REVIEW, and I PROMISE I will UPDATE soon. I know that Hermione seems to be getting hurt quiet a lot, but there is a reason, so just bare with me.  
Gothical Writer of Weirdpeopleandthepickle

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I felt a cold hand on my head. I thought I must be dead. As I still I wished I was. I began struggle against my restrains, but they weren't chains, they were someone. I opened my eyes to see Remus trying to restrain me. I stopped at once. He let go of me and stared down. His eyes were full of emotions, Hate, concern, frustration and anger. I looked around, just to see I was in one of the dormitories. But which one? I was lying on the bed with Remus sitting next to me. I couldn't restrain my tears any longer. They burst from my eyes as if a large herd of Hippogriffs were stuck in this room. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I felt my anger rise. I jumped off the bed and ran to the corner of the room. I wanted to be invisible. I cried in my arms for a long time.

"Hermione?" I heard once again, from his voice. "Your Hermione has been dead for quiet sometime, since you left her." I whispered, I felt no reason to hold up the Gryffindor Bravery any longer. Remus must have walked over to where I huddled, since I could hear footsteps coming close to me. "You are Hermione." His voice, so soft and kind. It was tearing me apart. I had been so stupid. My entire life. I had a wonderful life, until him. I felt someone come closer to me, but I backed away as far as I could, wishing the wall would just disappear.

"Just go away from me. I hate you." I whispered, more to myself then anyone else. Whether he heard it or not, he wrapped his arms around me. My heart almost skipped a beat. I couldn't take it. He acted like he never left and I _was_ still the old Hermione. I knew I had to kill him. But how? "I looked for you and you were no where to be found." He whispered into my ear. I felt a sudden burst of pain. If I hadn't been in his arms, I would of screamed. My body went limp in them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok, so I lied a little. I didn't update that soon. I am sorry! I shall update next Saturday, and if not, then I will update each day of the week for one week to make it up to all of you. Well here in the next part, this is the trial. Read and REVIEW!**

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As I opened my eyes, they fell on many of the people sitting around me. It seemed to be the entire Order. Harry and Ron were sitting in the back row, near Dumbledore. "Are you okay?" I heard from my right. Ginny was sitting besides me. Draco was on the other side. "Where are we?" I whispered back to her.

"We are being trialed to see what we know. We are at Hogwarts. Only the order is here and everyone wants to know who you are. We refused to tell, so did him." Ginny said as she pointed to Remus. I wanted to kill him more than anything. I wanted to kill them all. I began to get up, but soon I was pulled back down by Ginny and Draco.

"You three are being charged as deathearters and of trying to kill most of Order, how do you pled?" Dumbledore looked furious.

"Guilty," I yelled standing up. Ginny and Draco did the same thing to give me support.

"What are your names?" Dumbledore asked. I could see a boy writing everything said down on a piece of parchment.

"We will not tell you!" Draco said, Ginny turned to look at me and we both had the same worried expression on our faces.

"All of us know two of your names, Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley. Who are you, Miss?" Dumbledore directed towards me. He could of won a staring contest against a hippogryph; with the glare he gave me.

"You do not know, neither do you Ron or Harry?" I asked, a grin showing. "Oh my gosh, how dumb could all of you get? I went to school with Ron and Harry and even Ginny and Draco. I was your friend." I started to pace up and down, I needed more time to think then just the few minutes I had.

"We have never meet you, why would we?" Harry snarled at me as he stood. "You are totally filth beneath any of us. I would never be a friend with you."

This is what I had expected, but I was not ready to hear it coming from him, at least not yet. Ginny came over to me and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I hope you don't mind if I speak." Came a familiar voice. Remus stood up and looked at Dumbledore.

"Of coarse not, Remus. Do you know who she is?" Dumbledore looked as if he had never hoped for anything more.

Remus shook his head. "Yes I know who she is. She kind of told me who she was, before _you_ stunned her. By the way Harry," Remus turned to look at Harry, "you might regret what you said a few minutes before. This will come as a surprise to many. Her name is Hermione Jane Granger." As he said this, everyone looked totally shocked. Draco came to me, and whispered some words of confidence.

"Is this true? Are you Hermione Jane Granger?" I was about ready to cry as these words spilled over Albus Dumbledore's pale form. Although my face was even paler as I shook my head yes.

"How did you change you appearance, Hermione?" I heard Harry say, as if he did not want to believe it to be so.

"All of us can change out appearance." I said back. My anger level was boiling. I turned to look at Dumbledore. "I have something to say to you Dumbledore. You are one of the reasons I am like this. You would not even look at me, when I needed your help. I went to the only person that would even look at me. And I am proud to stand here to day with the mark on my arm and next to my true friends." My words seemed to have shocked everyone. Not one person would look me in the eyes, except Dumbledore, Draco, and Ginny.

"Is that so Miss Granger? Maybe I should clear something up, that you forgot to say. You came to me after spending four years in Azkaban."

"That is because of him." I pointed angrily at Lupin. "You left and never came back. I gave everything to you and you in turn killed the life I loved." I could feel my body breaking down from no sleep, food, water, and most of all anger. My legs would not support me any longer, so I fell to the floor.

"I agree with Hermione. When I found her, she looked terrible. No one would help her. But I did. I was her school rival, but at least I know what is right to do." Draco had found the courage to speak from all the words I said. "Then when we found Ginny, her parents had abandoned her. And here they sit to day. I would like each and every one of you to go to _Hell_. You guys killed two of the best witches the world has seen in a long time and not one of you would even think twice about it." Draco was looking as angry as I felt. "We found friends in the Dark Lord and in the Deatheaters we met and at least we stick together." Draco walked over to me, pulled me of the ground, and put his arm around my shoulder, Ginny did the same. I had never had such good friends.

"So this is the life all of you have chosen?" I heard Mrs. Weasley's voice. "I came home one day to find Deathearter clothes in Ginny's bedroom. When she was asleep I looked at her arm and found the mark. I never thought she would do that. Now that I see Hermione up there to, I don't know what to think. I never imagined I would see those two on that side." Mrs. Weasley had stood up and I could tell she was close to tears. Finally she let her tears fall like a waterfall. Her husband started to comfort her.

"Does anyone have any idea what we should do with them?" Dumbledore asked sorrowly as he looked at us. His eyes fell on me. His eyes were full of tears.

"I think I will take them." A cold voice said from the back of the room. Everyone turned to see Cornelius Fudge. "From what I have heard, these threes are deatheaters and will be taken to Azkaban immediately."

"I can not let you do that, _again_. These three are at my school and they are our spies into Voldemort's hands. They were just reporting what they heard. Hermione please tell me what Voldemort said to you?" Dumbledore gave me a warning glance as to play along.

I decided it might be better if I did. "The Dark Lord, he is going to attack at the next Quidditch game in Ireland." I did not think anyone would believe me. But it looked like the minister did, at least.

"Alright, why are you trusting someone who was in Azkaban for four years any ways?" Fudge asked turning to Dumbledore. Dumbledore took Fudge off to his office. Many members came and trapped us in a circle. Hands grabbed our arms and pulled us into a room. Only one stood, as watchman. I hated everyone especially Dumbledore. His name said it all. He was Dumb as a door. I hid in the corner, crying into my arms. One thought came back to me. One I heard along time ago.

_'I thought you would welcome death, all your friends abandoning you.' _

It was something a dead man had said. Not to me, but to another. But those words fit me perfectly. I am afraid they always will. All me memories were flooding in and out of my head. Killing. I wanted revenge on the boy who killed two people I loved. I went after him. When I found him, I killed him. I made him suffer. My mistake was doing it. I was caught, red handed, his blood stained my hands. Shoved into Azkaban was the fate that awaited me. My sentence was four years since I was a murderer, but still so young. I earned the title of murderer, but I wouldn't let them put me into the newspaper. I never had a problem killing since then.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the long wait, I've had a lot to do lately, and I haven't found a lot of time to read or post stories lately. Hopefully I will post more soon, but only if I get inspiration to go on. I'm not really, as I am only getting a few reviews as it is. Please read and review if you want this story to continue. R&R!

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"_Firebird, you failed, I am sorry to do this. Crucio" A swill voice echoes around the room as I wither in pain. He refused to stop. When he did stop, I was on the ground._

I woke with a fright to only find that I had been dreaming. It was a memory from a week ago. My mission was to find out where the boy-who-lived was. I could not. When I got back, I was hit with a curse. I could still feel the pain running through my body. I shivered when I thought about the pain. I would take that any day then have to look into the face of him. Firebird, my name I was given for one of my Animagus forms. Everyone would call me that. Ginny, Draco, the Dark Lord, Wormtail are only a few. I looked around my prison, Ginny slept and so did Draco. The watchman was sitting in a chair with his head down. I could not see the face, but knew who it was. My options were running out. I needed to be free. This is one reason why I was in such bad state when I was out of Azkaban, I was only afraid of one thing, a cage. I would go crazy. I heard a stir from someone. Nor did I realize it came from Remus until I felt a wand tip in the back of my neck.

"What are you doing?" he snarled at me. I hated hearing his voice angry.

"Nothing, will you please let me go or I will have to make you." I closed my eyes, hoping he would listen to me and do as I said. But he didn't grant my wish.

"You do not order me around, Hermione." I cringed when he said my name. That was no name of mine, at least as I thought.

"I don't like that name. Please don't say it and I am sorry to say you didn't do as I said." I turned around and said, "_Locomotor Mortis_." His legs automatically stiffened and went together, causing him to fall to the floor.

"How did you do that? You don't have you wand." Remus said, trying to get his wand, which had fallen. I grabbed his wand and pointed it at him.

"I don't need a wand to do wandless magic. I am sorry." I looked into his eyes and opened my mouth, "Cruc…" But someone had done that spell to me, before I had the chance to do it to Remus. I dropped his wand and fell to the ground to see Snape with his wand pointing at me.

After about a minute, I heard a voice. "Stop!" Remus yelled, and it made Snape stop the spell. I could not move, I never wanted to move again. The noise must have awoken Ginny and Draco. They hovered over me, I still not moving. I hurt to badly. "What did you do that for?" I heard a voice yell, sounded like Remus. "You could have used a different spell. You could have killed her."

"I did no more than she was going to do to you." Snape, that voice had to be his. What a dirty-rotten traitor he was. The Dark Lord was going to hear Snape had betrayed him. "Both of you, quiet." This voice I did not know. I felt could hands on my back, then my arm. "She is still alive, but her pulse is weak." I could tell more people crowded around me. "What happened to her?" Who's voice was it? "Snape here, decided to use Cruciatus Spell to her."

"I was trying to save you. She was going to do it to you." Snape sounded angry at Remus.

"Well you didn't have to do it to her for so long. It was at least a good forty-five seconds before you stopped."

"Is she going to be alright Albus?" That voice had to be McGongall.

"I do not know. Miss Granger can you hear me?" so the voice was Dumbledore. But why was he trying to help me?

"Don't call her that name!" It had to be one of my friends. Maybe Draco. "She hates that name."

"Miss Granger can you hear me?" I wanted to respond but I was too weak. Maybe this man did care for me. Maybe Remus did. He saved my life. Snape would of keep the spell going until I was dead. I tried to move, nothing happened. I wanted to talk to someone. Ginny.

'_Red, can you hear me?_' I thought of Ginny so hard as I spoke in my head.

'_Yes I can_.'

'_Tell them I can hear the, I just cannot speak. Talking to you is draining me of more energy_. _Tell them that I also hate Snape right now_.' I thought in my mind as Ginny and I used our mind reading skills to talk.

'_Okay, bye_.' Ginny did not wait for another goodbye. "She can hear you, she can't talk and she said to say that she also hates Snape right now." Ginny yelled out loud. Dumbledore turned to look at her. Snape glared at her.

"How do you know that?" Dumbledore asked, his voice had a tint of curiosity in it.

"I was talking to her, in my mind. I will explain the rest later." Ginny's voice sounded like she was getting very frustrated. Snape must have been able to tell she spoke the truth, he also knew how to do it.

As I lay there, I thought about what has happened during my life. Everything had changed in a moment. I remembered the day I was sent to Azkaban. I was at Hogwarts.

"_Where is Miss Hermione J. Granger?" Cornelius Fudge and five Aurors were looking for me._

"_Why are you looking for her?" Dumbledore looked around his office until his eyes came to glare at the Minister of magic._

"_I have been sent come to get her." Fudge was starting to get very agitated with Dumbledore._

"_But why?"_

"_Because she is being sent to Azkaban for killing David Skower."_

"_Minister, we found her. She is cornered." One of the Aurors had rushed into the office. He took the job of leading Fudge and Dumbledore out of the office. They lead them onto the fifth floor. The site they saw was horrifying. I was backed into a corned with four aurors around me with their wands on me. Professor McGonagall was standing in the back trying to get her way towards me. Before I knew anything had happened, I had magical handcuffs on my arms. One of the Aurors had my wand in his hand. I started to struggle but it was no use. An auror picked me up and shoved a clear liquid down my throat. I recognized it as a truth potion._

"_Hermione J. Granger, did you kill David Skower?" The minister of magic was looking into my eyes. I began to cry before sending my death ticket._

"_Yes I did," I managed to weep out. I wanted nothing more than to be out of the Auror's arms. When I looked at McGonagall's face, I saw a face filled with astonishment and disappointment. The same face showed on Dumbledore's face._

"_Why did you do that?" McGonagall said as tears came to her eyes._

"_He killed my parents. I wanted revenge. I would of killed another if I could. He deserves it too." I began to struggle again._

"_Who else would you have killed?" Dumbledore asked._

"_Remus J. Lupin," I said as all faces showed horror. I was taken out of Hogwarts and put into Azkaban. I did not get a trial, just like Sirius Black._

I was pulled away from my thoughts as I felt someone pick me up and set me on the bed. "Why don't we take her to the hospital wing?"

"It may be to far away. We would have to go very slowly and it is better if we don't move her. Harry, go to the hospital wing and set Madam Pomfrey." Dumbledore's voice seemed to have worry in it. Worry, why? It did not take Madam Pomfrey long to come. She came in and ushered almost everyone out.

"Should those two stay?" I heard her voice say to Dumbledore meaning Ginny and Draco. "Yes." Came another voice.

"Draco," I barely spoke louder than a whisper, but even that was loud enough for me to get him to come over to here.

"I'm here Firebird," he said, while rubbing my face gently with his hand. I turned to look at him. It brought a small smile to my face. A smile that I thought I had lost many years ago.

"Firebird? What?" Remus was looking at me confused. I looked at him in the same eyes I looked at Draco with.

"That is her nickname for what she is." Ginny said. I felt someone rubbing my head, only to find out it was Ginny. She sat behind me.

"I think Miss Granger might have been right about one thing earlier. She has two very good friends in them." Dumbledore even smiled, a little. "Miss Granger how are you feeling?"

I tried to sit up, but I couldn't. I looked back at Dumbledore and I did not even need to say my answer. Madam Pomfrey offered me some kind of potion that would take my pain away. I hesitated at first. You do not take something from the enemy. I took it after a few minutes although I was still glaring at the potion and her suspiciously. I was so tired, I fell sleep after taking it. I fell into a deep sleep, not one that a potion could of a caused.


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